Depression doesn’t just affect mood, energy, and motivation. It can also distort the way a person perceives their own limits. Many times, people experiencing depression tend to overextend themselves—whether out of guilt, an attempt to compensate for “lack of productivity,” or fear of rejection and judgment. This drive to please and perform beyond their capacity often leads to greater emotional exhaustion, reinforcing the depressive cycle.

In this article, we’ll explore why people with depression tend to push themselves too hard, the consequences of that behavior, and how therapy can help establish healthy and sustainable boundaries.

Why Depression Can Make You Overextend Yourself

Contrary to the stereotype that depression only manifests as inactivity or withdrawal, many depressed individuals maintain intense routines. This is especially true for those who feel they must keep functioning “at all costs,” even when they’re emotionally or physically drained. There are several reasons for this:

1. Guilt and Feelings of Inadequacy
Guilt is a recurring emotion in depression. People may feel they’re letting others down or not meeting expectations. To counter this discomfort, they tend to overcompensate—doing more, saying yes to everything, and striving not to disappoint, even when their mind and body are asking for rest.

2. Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a form of self-validation that becomes more pronounced in depression. For those struggling with feelings of worthlessness, being productive and flawless becomes an illusory source of self-esteem. This drives them to take on more than they can realistically handle.

3. Fear of Rejection
Refusing requests, setting boundaries, or saying no can trigger fears of conflict, abandonment, or judgment. People with low self-esteem (a common feature in depression) are more vulnerable to these fears, so they prefer to take on extra burdens rather than risk disappointing others.

4. Disconnection from One’s Own Needs
Depression tends to sever the connection with the self. In this state, many people don’t allow themselves to rest, fail to recognize when they’re exhausted, or have simply lost the habit of attending to their own emotions and basic needs.

The Cost of Not Setting Boundaries

While overextending yourself might seem positive in the short term, doing so excessively and without regard for your well-being can have serious consequences:

Emotional and physical burnout: Pushing yourself without rest leads to mental and physical breakdown, which can worsen depression.
Resentment: Constantly saying yes can create a build-up of frustration toward yourself and others.
Unbalanced relationships: People around you may become accustomed to your constant availability, reinforcing dynamics in which your needs are neglected.
Negative self-perception: If you give too much and see no result, it can strengthen the belief that you’re never enough, deepening the self-critical cycle.

What Does It Mean to Set Boundaries?

Setting boundaries isn’t about building cold or selfish walls. It’s about recognizing your capacities, needs, and emotional rights, and acting accordingly. Healthy boundaries allow you to take care of yourself without hurting others, to connect authentically, and to prioritize your well-being over the desire to please.

How Therapy Helps You Set Boundaries When You’re Depressed

Therapy is a safe space where you can explore your motivations for overextending yourself and learn concrete strategies to reconnect with your real needs. Below are several therapeutic approaches that can support this work:

1. Identifying Limiting Beliefs
Many overextending behaviors are driven by deep-seated beliefs such as:

“If I don’t do it, no one will.”
“I have to prove I’m valuable.”
“Saying no is selfish.”

A therapist helps identify and challenge these beliefs, exploring their origins and working to replace them with more realistic and healthy affirmations.

2. Cognitive Restructuring
From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, a therapist works with you to change automatic thoughts that drive you to act out of guilt or obligation. You learn to observe your mental patterns and make decisions that are more conscious and aligned with your well-being.

3. Developing Assertive Skills
Assertiveness is the ability to express your opinions, desires, and boundaries clearly and respectfully. In therapy, you can practice saying “no” without guilt, how to negotiate your time, and how to set limits without falling into hostility or submission.

4. Working with Self-Compassion
Setting boundaries is a form of self-care, and self-compassion is the foundation to sustain it. Therapies such as Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) teach you to treat yourself kindly, validate your suffering, and prioritize your mental health without feeling selfish or weak for doing so.

5. Values-Based Therapy
Instead of acting out of fear or guilt, therapy helps you reconnect with your personal values: What kind of person do you want to be? What really matters to you? This allows you to set boundaries that align with your authenticity—not just with duty or external pressure.

Practical Strategies to Start Setting Boundaries

Here are a few tips you can begin practicing, even outside therapy:

1. Pause Before You Respond
When asked for something, take a moment to evaluate whether you can and want to do it. You can say: “Let me think about it and get back to you.”

2. Practice Saying No Respectfully
You don’t need to overjustify your decision. A simple “It’s not possible for me right now” or “I’d love to help, but I don’t have the energy at the moment” is valid and respectful.

3. Schedule Time for Yourself
Don’t wait until you're free of obligations to take care of yourself. Block time in your calendar to rest, read, walk, or do nothing. It’s just as important as any other task.

4. Monitor Your Energy Levels
Track how you feel daily. If you notice constant exhaustion, reconsider your commitments. Learning to say “this is too much” is not a weakness—it’s emotional intelligence.

5. Redefine Success
Start considering as achievements not just what you do for others, but also what you do for yourself. Saying “no” when you need to care for yourself is an emotional victory.

Setting Boundaries Isn’t Selfish—It’s Health

For people living with depression, learning to set boundaries can be one of the most powerful tools in the journey to recovery. It’s not about rejecting others; it’s about not rejecting yourself. Therapy offers the space and support necessary to develop this skill in a progressive and safe way.