In everyday life, many people struggle with a constant need for external reassurance: seeking validation from others, needing absolute certainty before making decisions, craving approval to feel worthy, or trying to control every possible outcome. While this habit can feel comforting in the short term, it becomes an obstacle in the long run-limiting emotional freedom, personal growth, and autonomy. At its core, this need often stems from deep-seated insecurities, fear of failure, early experiences of rejection or trauma, and a fragile self-concept.

The good news is that this pattern can be broken. Through therapy, self-awareness, and the cultivation of self-confidence, it’s possible to shift from external dependence to internal security. This article explores how reassurance-seeking shows up in our lives, why it's hard to break, and how therapy can help foster a more empowering sense of self-trust.

Childhood is a crucial stage in the formation of our identity, our emotions, and, especially, how we relate to others. The experiences we live during our early years have a profound impact on how we connect in adulthood: in friendships, work relationships, and especially in romantic partnerships. From the perspective of clinical psychology and various therapeutic approaches, extensive research has explored how attachment, emotional security, trauma, and family dynamics shape long-lasting emotional patterns.

This article aims to analyze how early-life experiences can influence the way we emotionally connect in adulthood and how therapy can help us recognize and transform these patterns when they become dysfunctional.

1. Attachment Theory: The Foundation of Bonding

One of the most influential models in understanding human relationships is attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. This theory posits that the quality of the bond a child forms with their primary caregivers influences their ability to trust, feel secure, and establish stable relationships in the future.

Attachment styles are mainly classified as:

• Secure attachment: The child feels loved, protected, and cared for. As an adult, they tend to have stable relationships, trust others, and handle autonomy well.

• Anxious attachment: The child experiences inconsistent attention. In adulthood, this may manifest as emotional dependency, a constant need for approval, and fear of abandonment.

• Avoidant attachment: The child learns that expressing emotions is not safe. As an adult, they tend to avoid intimacy and suppress emotions.

• Disorganized attachment: Arises in contexts of trauma or abuse. In adulthood, it may manifest as chaotic relationships, emotional confusion, and difficulty setting boundaries.

Recognizing our attachment style can be a powerful therapeutic tool to understand our reactions in relationships and begin developing healthier bonds.

2. The Role of Family Modeling

During childhood, parental figures act as behavioral models. Through observation, children learn how to handle conflicts, express emotions, and show love or disapproval. If we grew up in a home filled with respect, communication, and affection, we are likely to carry those values into our adult relationships. But if the environment was marked by yelling, indifference, or violence, we may internalize those behaviors as "normal" ways of relating.

For example:

• A child who constantly witnesses aggressive arguments between parents might normalize conflict as an inevitable part of any relationship.

• A girl who grows up with emotionally unavailable parents may develop the belief that her emotional needs are unimportant.

These internalized patterns act as invisible scripts we unconsciously reproduce, even if we rationally want something different.

3. Emotional Wounds from Childhood

Emotional wounds suffered during childhood—such as rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, or injustice—leave marks that affect our self-esteem, our sense of worth, and our ability to trust. These wounds often manifest in adult relationships through:

• Intense jealousy

• Fear of commitment

• Need for control

• Emotional avoidance

• Difficulty expressing affection or needs

The good news is that, while these wounds may be deep, they do not have to define us forever. With proper therapeutic support, it is possible to heal, reinterpret, and choose healthier ways to connect.

4. Defense Mechanisms and Repetition of Patterns

Many adults repeat relational patterns without realizing it. A person who experienced emotional neglect may feel attracted to cold or distant partners, perpetuating the same kind of pain. This phenomenon, known as repetition compulsion, is common among those who have not processed childhood trauma.

Additionally, we develop defense mechanisms to avoid pain, such as sarcasm, hyper-independence, or submission. While these may protect us in the short term, in the long run, they can sabotage our most meaningful relationships.

Therapy offers a safe space to identify these mechanisms and transform them into tools for emotional growth.

5. Self-Esteem and Sense of Personal Worth

The messages we receive during childhood about our worth—whether we are enough, whether we deserve love, whether our emotions are valid—have a direct impact on adult self-esteem. A person with damaged self-esteem may settle for toxic relationships, feel unworthy of something better, or fear being alone if they set boundaries.

In contrast, those who grew up in environments that validated their identity and emotions tend to form more equitable and healthy relationships.

Rebuilding self-esteem in therapy involves challenging limiting beliefs, constructing a more compassionate internal dialogue, and learning to set boundaries without guilt.

6. Childhood Trauma and Adult Relationships

Childhood trauma—whether physical, emotional, sexual abuse or neglect—can deeply alter emotional development. People who have experienced trauma may exhibit:

• Hypervigilance in relationships

• Difficulty trusting

• Symptoms of anxiety or dissociation

• Attraction to abusive dynamics

Approaches such as EMDR therapy, somatic therapy, or cognitive-behavioral therapy have shown that trauma can be processed and its effects reduced. It’s not about "forgetting" the past, but integrating it from a place of greater awareness and emotional strength.

7. The Role of Therapy in Healing Bonds

Therapy not only allows us to talk about the past but also understand how that past lives in our present. Through a secure therapeutic bond, it is possible to:

• Explore early experiences with compassion

• Identify and question dysfunctional relationship patterns

• Learn new ways to bond

• Heal persistent emotional wounds

• Strengthen self-esteem and emotional intelligence

Additionally, couples therapy can be a powerful tool to work together on difficulties that arise in the relationship due to unresolved childhood histories.

8. Transforming Emotional Legacy

Healing does not mean having had a different childhood, but rather building a more conscious and free adulthood. When we do the necessary emotional work, we can break generational cycles of pain and build healthier bonds, both with our partner and our own children.

Many adults discover in therapy that they can learn to care for, love, and protect themselves in ways they never experienced in childhood. That process, although challenging, is profoundly liberating.

Final Thoughts

Childhood experiences lay the foundation for our adult relationships, but they do not have to dictate our emotional destiny. Through self-awareness, introspection, and therapeutic support, it is possible to break destructive patterns, heal emotional wounds, and build healthier, more respectful, and loving relationships.

Accepting our story is the first step. Transforming it is the great act of self-love.

If you’re ready to begin your own healing process, schedule a session with one of our specialists by visiting our services page

Anxiety is a natural emotional response to situations perceived as threatening or challenging. However, when it becomes constant or interferes with daily life, it can turn into a debilitating disorder that affects physical, mental, and emotional health. Psychological therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), or Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) have proven to be highly effective in treating anxiety. But to make therapy more effective and sustainable, it is essential to accompany it with a self-care routine that reinforces progress and promotes emotional stability.

This blog explores how to build a comprehensive self-care routine that supports your therapeutic process, strengthens your resilience, and fosters long-term well-being.

1. Why is self-care key in treating anxiety?

When experiencing anxiety, the body and mind are in a constant state of alert. This leads to emotional exhaustion, muscle tension, sleep disorders, and catastrophic or disproportionate thoughts. While therapy provides effective tools to manage these symptoms, daily self-care is what allows these tools to be integrated into real life.

Self-care is not a luxury or an indulgence; it is a basic mental health need. Investing in activities that recharge your emotional, physical, and mental resources helps create a solid foundation on which therapy can work more efficiently.

2. Principles for building an effective self-care routine

Before suggesting concrete actions, it's important to consider the following principles:

• Regularity and consistency: Self-care works best when it is part of a routine, not when it is done sporadically.

• Adaptation to your personal needs: Not all tips will work equally for everyone. Ideally, you should experiment and find what suits you best.

• Small sustainable steps: It's better to start with simple, consistent habits than with large, unachievable goals that lead to frustration.

• Connection to your values: Self-care practices should align with what matters to you and gives your life meaning.

3. Key components of a self-care routine for anxiety

A. Physical care

Anxiety affects not only the mind but also the body. Addressing the body from a compassionate perspective helps reduce the intensity of anxious symptoms.

a.1. Restorative sleep

Insufficient or interrupted sleep feeds anxiety. To improve it:

• Set a fixed time to go to bed and wake up.

• Reduce screen use at least 1 hour before bed.

• Avoid caffeine or stimulants in the afternoon.

• Create a relaxing nighttime routine (warm bath, quiet reading, soft music).

a.2. Conscious eating

Anxiety can lead to overeating or lack of appetite. Establishing a balanced diet helps stabilize your emotional state.

• Avoid excessive refined sugars and ultra-processed foods.

• Include foods rich in tryptophan, omega-3, magnesium, and B vitamins (fish, nuts, legumes, green vegetables).

• Practice mindful eating: eat slowly, without distractions, paying attention to flavors, textures, and fullness cues.

a.3. Regular physical movement

Physical activity releases endorphins, reduces muscle tension, and improves mood.

• Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise 4 times a week.

• Choose activities you enjoy (walking, swimming, yoga, dancing, biking).

• Include movement breaks during your day to stretch and breathe.

B. Emotional care

Emotional exercises help not only to reduce symptoms but also to recognize and understand what you’re feeling.

b.1. Emotional journaling

Writing about your emotions helps you process them, identify patterns, and recognize what you need.

• Write at the end of the day about what you felt and what triggered it.

• Don’t judge your emotions; just observe and name them.

b.2. Emotional regulation

Anxiety tends to intensify emotions. Practicing regulation strategies helps maintain balance.

• Breathing techniques (4-7-8 breathing, diaphragmatic breathing).

• Grounding exercises (anchoring yourself to the present with your five senses).

• Guided visualizations of safe places or relaxing scenes.

b.3. Self-compassion

Constant self-criticism fuels anxiety. Changing your internal dialogue to a kinder one transforms your emotional experience.

• Talk to yourself as you would to a friend going through a hard time.

• Acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small.

• Accept your emotions without fighting them.

C. Mental care

The anxious mind tends to overanalyze, anticipate catastrophes, or get trapped in worry loops.

c.1. Mindfulness meditation

Mindfulness trains the mind to return to the present and stop feeding anxious thoughts.

• Dedicate 5 to 15 minutes daily.

• Observe your breath, sounds, body sensations.

• Don’t try to "empty the mind"—just observe without judgment.

c.2. Challenging distorted thoughts

CBT encourages questioning the truth and usefulness of anxious thoughts:

• What evidence supports and refutes this thought?

• Am I making a catastrophic prediction?

• What would I say to a friend thinking this?

c.3. Limit exposure to stressful information

Information overload (news, social media) increases alertness.

• Set schedules to check news or social media.

• Choose reliable sources and avoid sensational content.

• Replace some screen time with relaxing reading, nature, or art.

D. Social care

Isolation fosters anxiety. Although social contact can seem overwhelming during tough times, it is an essential pillar of well-being.

d.1. Meaningful connections

It’s about quality, not quantity.

• Prioritize people with whom you can be yourself.

• Practice active listening and authentic emotional expression.

• Seek support when needed: you are not alone.

d.2. Setting healthy boundaries

Part of social self-care is saying “no” to relationships or dynamics that drain you emotionally.

• Set your boundaries clearly and assertively.

• Remember: setting boundaries is not selfish—it’s protection.

d.3. Support groups or group therapy

Sharing experiences with others going through similar processes brings relief, belonging, and collective coping strategies.

4. How to integrate self-care with therapy

Your therapist can help you structure a personalized self-care routine that complements your sessions. Some strategies include:

• Keeping a log between sessions of what practices work.

• Identifying days or times when anxiety is highest and reinforcing those with protective activities.

• Setting small goals and reviewing them with your therapist.

• Using self-care as a resource between sessions during crisis moments.

5. Common barriers to self-care (and how to overcome them)

“I don’t have time”

Self-care doesn’t require hours daily. Even 5 minutes of deep breathing or 10 minutes of walking can make a difference. It’s about priorities.

“I feel guilty taking care of myself”

Guilt is common, especially in caregivers or perfectionists. Remember: you can’t give your best if you’re not well yourself.

“I don’t know where to start”

Start with one simple action you can repeat daily. Habits are built with consistency, not perfection.

6. Sample daily self-care routine for anxiety

Morning:

• Conscious breathing upon waking (2 minutes).

• Mindful shower.

• Nutritious breakfast without screens.

• Review of agenda with a compassionate attitude.

Midday:

• Brief walk outdoors.

• Lunch without rush or distractions.

• Journal writing (3–5 minutes).

Afternoon:

• Exercise or stretching.

• Social connection time (call, message).

• Review anxious thoughts and use cognitive challenges.

Evening:

• Light dinner.

• Quiet reading or relaxing music.

• Bedtime routine (no screens, slow breathing, gratitude).

Final Thoughts

Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to define your life. Therapy provides the tools to understand and heal, while a well-built self-care routine acts as the net that holds that process. It’s not about doing everything perfectly, but about taking care of yourself with intention, kindness, and perseverance. Step by step, habit by habit, you can build a safer, calmer, and more resilient inner space.

Because you deserve to feel well—not just when anxiety is absent, but even while facing it.

In childhood, emotions can feel like enormous waves crashing down all at once. Unlike adults, children have not yet developed the cognitive, emotional, or social tools needed to understand, name, or properly manage what they are feeling. Fear, sadness, anger, or even euphoria can present themselves in overwhelming ways, affecting their behavior, relationships, and overall well-being.

In this context, psychological therapy becomes an invaluable resource. Through specialized methods tailored to the child's developmental stage and reality, therapy provides a safe space to learn how to identify, express, and regulate emotions. This article explores how therapy contributes to the healthy emotional development of children and why it is an essential tool in modern parenting.

What Are "Big Emotions"?

When we talk about "big emotions" in children, we refer to intense feelings that are difficult to handle. These are not "bad" or "negative" emotions (a classification that is not very helpful) but emotional states that, due to their intensity or frequency, overwhelm the child's internal regulation resources.

These emotions can include:

• Explosive anger: when a child reacts with yelling, hitting, or prolonged tantrums.

• Deep sadness: persistent crying, apathy, withdrawal.

• Anxiety: excessive worry, fear of being separated from caregivers, avoidance of social or school situations.

• Frustration: difficulty tolerating waiting, accepting limits, or facing failure.

• Intense fear: nighttime fears, phobias, or avoidant behaviors.

• Uncontrolled euphoria: hyperactivity, inability to calm down even in calm contexts.

These emotions, by themselves, are normal at different stages of development. However, when they are frequent, intense, or significantly impact the child’s life and surroundings, they require specialized attention.

Why Do Children Need Help Managing Emotions?

Emotional self-regulation does not come naturally. Young children heavily depend on external support (from significant adults) to regulate themselves. This process is called co-regulation: an adult helps the child calm down, understand what they feel, and respond adaptively.

However, not all children receive that sensitive and consistent support. Early adverse experiences (family conflict, neglect, parental separation, bullying, grief, etc.) can affect their emotional regulation capacity. Additionally, each child has a different temperament: some are naturally more sensitive, impulsive, or reactive.

Therapy, then, appears as a space complementary to home and school, designed to promote emotional competencies through a safe therapeutic relationship and techniques adapted to the child’s world.

Therapeutic Modalities for Children

There are various therapeutic approaches for working with children. Each adapts to the child’s developmental level, communication style, and specific issues. Some of the most commonly used include:

1. Play Therapy

Play is the natural language of childhood. Through dolls, drawings, puppets, or symbolic activities, children express what they cannot verbalize. The therapist observes, intervenes, or guides play for therapeutic purposes, helping the child make sense of what they feel and explore new ways of handling it.

2. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Children

This approach works with thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It teaches children to identify their feelings, connect what they feel with how they think and act, and replace dysfunctional patterns with healthier responses. It uses visual aids, stories, games, and positive reinforcement.

3. Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation Techniques

Children are trained in skills like conscious breathing, mindful attention, visualizations, and strategies to identify emotions without judgment. These tools are especially effective for children with anxiety or impulsivity.

4. Family or Parental Therapy

In many cases, the most effective intervention involves not only the child but also the parents or caregivers. Therapy focuses on improving their responses to the child’s emotions, setting appropriate boundaries, and fostering a secure attachment.

How Does Therapy Help in Practice?

Below are some concrete benefits that children gain from emotional therapy:

1. Emotional Identification

Many children don't know how to name what they feel. In therapy, they learn emotional vocabulary: "I feel frustrated," "I feel sad," "I’m nervous" instead of simply acting out. This emotional literacy is the first step toward self-regulation.

2. Emotional Validation

Therapists teach that all emotions are valid. Children are not punished for being angry or crying; instead, the emotion is explored. This validation reduces shame, guilt, or emotional withdrawal.

3. Development of Adaptive Strategies

Through play, stories, or dialogue, children learn strategies to calm down, ask for help, express their needs, or tolerate frustration. These strategies are rehearsed in sessions and then applied in everyday life.

4. Self-Esteem Building

A child who feels misunderstood or constantly labeled as "difficult" or "spoiled" may develop a negative self-image. Therapy helps rebuild self-confidence by showing the child that their emotions make sense and can be managed with support.

5. Improved Relationship with Parents and Caregivers

When parents are included in the therapeutic process, family communication improves, conflict is reduced, and parenting becomes more empathetic and conscious. This strengthens the supportive environment needed for the child to regulate emotions better.

When Is Therapy Especially Recommended?

While any child can benefit from a therapeutic space to work on their emotions, there are contexts where professional help becomes particularly important:

• Unresolved grief (loss of a loved one, pet, moving).

• Parental divorce or separation with high conflict.

• Diagnosis of ADHD, autism, or other neurodevelopmental conditions.

• School bullying or social isolation.

• Anxiety disorders, phobias, or depressive symptoms.

• Aggressive, defiant behavior or persistent regression.

• Adoption or foster care.

• Traumatic experiences.

In these cases, early intervention leads to better outcomes. Therapy not only prevents bigger problems in the future but also fosters the child's overall development.

The Role of the Child Therapist: A Transformative Bond

The child therapist’s role goes beyond applying techniques: they offer a relationship of trust where the child feels seen, understood, and valued. This therapeutic relationship—consistent and empathetic—can become a model of secure attachment that the child internalizes and applies in other areas of life.

In simple terms, a child therapist tells the child, with every gesture, look, and word, that what they feel matters, that they can be understood, and that there are healthy ways to express themselves. This message—so basic yet powerful—can deeply transform their emotional world.

Final Thoughts

Learning to manage emotions in childhood is one of the most important skills for long-term well-being. A child who recognizes, validates, and regulates what they feel is more likely to become an empathetic, resilient, and balanced adult.

Psychological therapy is a valuable tool to guide this process. It’s not about correcting problematic behavior but about helping the child build a healthy relationship with themselves and others.

Investing in children's emotional health today is building a more conscious, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent society tomorrow.

Do you want to help your child better manage their emotions? Schedule a session with one of our child therapy specialists by visiting our services page.

Self-criticism is one of the less visible but most corrosive symptoms of depression. It manifests as a harsh, constant, and punitive inner voice that sabotages self-esteem, distorts self-perception, and fuels the depressive cycle. This pattern of thought can deeply affect emotional well-being, interpersonal relationships, and personal performance. Fortunately, various therapeutic approaches offer effective tools to recognize and transform this destructive self-criticism.

What is self-criticism and how is it related to depression?

Self-criticism is a form of negative internal dialogue that harshly judges the person for their perceived mistakes, limitations, or failures. In people with depression, this critical voice becomes especially intense and generalized, attributing problems not only to specific circumstances but to supposed personal flaws that are stable and unchangeable (such as "I’m a failure" or "I never do anything right").

This self-critical cognitive style not only appears as a consequence of depression, but can also be a precipitating and maintaining factor of it. Clinical psychology research shows that high levels of self-criticism are linked to increased severity, duration, and recurrence of depressive episodes.

The cycle of self-criticism in depression

Depression-driven self-criticism does not occur in a vacuum. It is part of a cognitive-emotional cycle that can be described as follows:

1. Triggering situation: A mistake, failure, or ambiguous situation.

2. Negative evaluation: The self-critical thought quickly appears (“this proves I’m incompetent”).

3. Emotional response: Emotions like guilt, shame, sadness, and helplessness.

4. Avoidant or isolating behaviors: Such as giving up, withdrawing, or self-harming.

5. Reinforcement of negative belief system: “I knew it, I always mess everything up,” restarting the cycle.

Therapy aims to interrupt this cycle by fostering awareness and promoting more compassionate ways of relating to oneself.

Effective therapeutic approaches to address self-criticism

There are multiple therapeutic frameworks that effectively work with self-criticism. Below are the most commonly used and scientifically validated ones:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is particularly helpful in identifying, questioning, and reframing distorted thoughts. When addressing self-criticism, the goal is to recognize automatic thought patterns (such as overgeneralization or negative filtering) and replace them with more balanced, reality-based thoughts.

Example:
Automatic thought: “I always disappoint people.”
Reframe: “Sometimes I make mistakes, like anyone else. That doesn’t mean I always disappoint.”

Techniques such as thought records, cognitive restructuring, and behavioral exposure are also used to confront fears related to rejection or failure.

2. Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)

Developed by Paul Gilbert, this therapy specifically targets self-criticism and shame. It teaches individuals to activate their internal affiliative and caring systems through exercises that promote self-compassion.

Skills include:

• Talking to oneself as one would to a dear friend.

• Visualizing a “compassionate self” that comforts rather than judges.

• Regulating physiological arousal through breathing and mindfulness.

3. Mindfulness-Based Therapy

Mindfulness practice helps individuals observe self-critical thoughts without identifying with them. Instead of fighting them, people learn to notice their presence, label them as mental events, and let them go.

This observational and non-reactive stance reduces the power of the inner critic and lowers emotional reactivity.

4. Schema Therapy (Jeffrey Young)

This approach delves into the origins of self-criticism by identifying early maladaptive schemas such as “unrelenting standards,” “defectiveness,” or “punitiveness.” It explores their roots in childhood experiences and retrains them using techniques like chair work, emotional processing, and limited reparenting.

Key therapeutic techniques to challenge self-criticism

Regardless of the approach used, there are powerful cross-cutting techniques to challenge self-criticism:

1. Externalize the critical voice

Naming the self-critical voice as a character (e.g., “the internal judge” or “the sabotaging critic”) helps to disidentify from it and reduce its impact.

2. Rewrite internal dialogue

In therapy sessions, individuals practice transforming destructive phrases into more realistic and compassionate ones. This requires consistent practice both within and outside therapy.

3. Self-compassion letters

An effective technique involves writing a letter to oneself from a kind, protective stance—like that of a caring friend or parental figure.

4. Exposure to situations avoided due to fear of failure

Self-criticism often leads to avoiding challenges out of fear of failure. Therapy includes planning gradual exposures that show errors are not catastrophic and that self-worth does not depend on perfect performance.

The role of the therapist: a non-distorted mirror

The therapist acts as a healthy reflection of the client's emotional and cognitive reality. Where the person sees flaws, the therapist points out strengths. Where there are harsh judgments, the therapist offers validation and fair alternatives.

This safe therapeutic bond becomes the foundation for internalizing a more compassionate inner voice, which gradually replaces the destructive critic.

Expected outcomes of the therapeutic process

Over time, people who work on their self-criticism in therapy often experience:

• Reduction in depressive symptoms.

• Improved self-esteem and self-confidence.

• Increased tolerance for mistakes.

• Greater emotional resilience.

• Development of a more balanced inner voice.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, but with therapeutic commitment and practice, it is absolutely achievable.

Final Thoughts

Self-criticism is one of the most destructive voices that can live in the mind of a person with depression, but it is also one of the most transformable through therapy. Recognizing it, understanding its origin, and actively challenging it not only reduces emotional suffering, but also builds a healthier and more compassionate relationship with oneself.

Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but of courage. Therapy provides a safe space where one can stop being their own harshest judge and start becoming their own ally. Mental health flourishes when we learn to speak to ourselves with the same love we show to those we care about most.