Self-criticism is one of the less visible but most corrosive symptoms of depression. It manifests as a harsh, constant, and punitive inner voice that sabotages self-esteem, distorts self-perception, and fuels the depressive cycle. This pattern of thought can deeply affect emotional well-being, interpersonal relationships, and personal performance. Fortunately, various therapeutic approaches offer effective tools to recognize and transform this destructive self-criticism.
Self-criticism is a form of negative internal dialogue that harshly judges the person for their perceived mistakes, limitations, or failures. In people with depression, this critical voice becomes especially intense and generalized, attributing problems not only to specific circumstances but to supposed personal flaws that are stable and unchangeable (such as "I’m a failure" or "I never do anything right").
This self-critical cognitive style not only appears as a consequence of depression, but can also be a precipitating and maintaining factor of it. Clinical psychology research shows that high levels of self-criticism are linked to increased severity, duration, and recurrence of depressive episodes.
Depression-driven self-criticism does not occur in a vacuum. It is part of a cognitive-emotional cycle that can be described as follows:
Triggering situation: A mistake, failure, or ambiguous situation.
Negative evaluation: The self-critical thought quickly appears (“this proves I’m incompetent”).
Emotional response: Emotions like guilt, shame, sadness, and helplessness.
Avoidant or isolating behaviors: Such as giving up, withdrawing, or self-harming.
Reinforcement of negative belief system: “I knew it, I always mess everything up,” restarting the cycle.
Therapy aims to interrupt this cycle by fostering awareness and promoting more compassionate ways of relating to oneself.
There are multiple therapeutic frameworks that effectively work with self-criticism. Below are the most commonly used and scientifically validated ones:
CBT is particularly helpful in identifying, questioning, and reframing distorted thoughts. When addressing self-criticism, the goal is to recognize automatic thought patterns (such as overgeneralization or negative filtering) and replace them with more balanced, reality-based thoughts.
Example:
Automatic thought: “I always disappoint people.”
Reframe: “Sometimes I make mistakes, like anyone else. That doesn’t mean I always disappoint.”
Techniques such as thought records, cognitive restructuring, and behavioral exposure are also used to confront fears related to rejection or failure.
Developed by Paul Gilbert, this therapy specifically targets self-criticism and shame. It teaches individuals to activate their internal affiliative and caring systems through exercises that promote self-compassion.
Skills include:
Talking to oneself as one would to a dear friend.
Visualizing a “compassionate self” that comforts rather than judges.
Regulating physiological arousal through breathing and mindfulness.
Mindfulness practice helps individuals observe self-critical thoughts without identifying with them. Instead of fighting them, people learn to notice their presence, label them as mental events, and let them go.
This observational and non-reactive stance reduces the power of the inner critic and lowers emotional reactivity.
This approach delves into the origins of self-criticism by identifying early maladaptive schemas such as “unrelenting standards,” “defectiveness,” or “punitiveness.” It explores their roots in childhood experiences and retrains them using techniques like chair work, emotional processing, and limited reparenting.
Regardless of the approach used, there are powerful cross-cutting techniques to challenge self-criticism:
Naming the self-critical voice as a character (e.g., “the internal judge” or “the sabotaging critic”) helps to disidentify from it and reduce its impact.
In therapy sessions, individuals practice transforming destructive phrases into more realistic and compassionate ones. This requires consistent practice both within and outside therapy.
An effective technique involves writing a letter to oneself from a kind, protective stance—like that of a caring friend or parental figure.
Self-criticism often leads to avoiding challenges out of fear of failure. Therapy includes planning gradual exposures that show errors are not catastrophic and that self-worth does not depend on perfect performance.
The therapist acts as a healthy reflection of the client's emotional and cognitive reality. Where the person sees flaws, the therapist points out strengths. Where there are harsh judgments, the therapist offers validation and fair alternatives.
This safe therapeutic bond becomes the foundation for internalizing a more compassionate inner voice, which gradually replaces the destructive critic.
Over time, people who work on their self-criticism in therapy often experience:
Reduction in depressive symptoms.
Improved self-esteem and self-confidence.
Increased tolerance for mistakes.
Greater emotional resilience.
Development of a more balanced inner voice.
This process doesn’t happen overnight, but with therapeutic commitment and practice, it is absolutely achievable.
Self-criticism is one of the most destructive voices that can live in the mind of a person with depression, but it is also one of the most transformable through therapy. Recognizing it, understanding its origin, and actively challenging it not only reduces emotional suffering, but also builds a healthier and more compassionate relationship with oneself.
Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but of courage. Therapy provides a safe space where one can stop being their own harshest judge and start becoming their own ally. Mental health flourishes when we learn to speak to ourselves with the same love we show to those we care about most.
Divorce or parental separation is one of the most significant and potentially distressing events in a child’s life. Although the impact varies depending on age, temperament, and specific circumstances, it is common for children to experience intense emotions such as confusion, sadness, anger, fear, and guilt. Fortunately, therapy can be a powerful tool to help children understand, process, and adapt healthily to these family changes.
Children, depending on their developmental stage, understand the world through stability and predictability. When such a fundamental structure like the family changes, their core references are shaken. Often, they do not understand the reasons behind the separation, and without proper emotional guidance, they tend to fill the gaps with assumptions: that it’s their fault, that one parent no longer loves them, or that everything they knew is in danger.
Several factors influence the degree of impact:
Child’s age: Younger children often respond with regressions, separation anxiety, or fear of abandonment. Adolescents, on the other hand, may display rebellion, emotional withdrawal, or risky behaviors.
Level of parental conflict: Divorces with high hostility and exposure to conflict are more damaging than those where a respectful relationship is maintained.
Post-divorce stability: Continuity in routines, family relationships, school environment, and home strongly affects the child’s adaptability.
Emotional support: Validation of emotions, emotional security, and the presence of significant adults can buffer the impact.
Although all children experience some level of distress when their parents separate, certain signs indicate that professional intervention might be necessary:
Significant behavioral changes (aggression, isolation, sudden rebellion).
Regressions (bedwetting, thumb sucking, fear of sleeping alone).
Psychosomatic symptoms (headaches, stomachaches with no medical cause).
Academic difficulties or concentration issues.
Sleep disturbances or recurrent nightmares.
Symptoms of anxiety or depression.
Persistent rejection of one parent without clear justification.
Verbal expressions of guilt ("It's my fault they split up") or hopelessness.
When these signs persist or intensify, therapy becomes essential to prevent long-term emotional consequences.
Therapeutic intervention does not follow a single model but rather adapts to the child’s individual needs and family context. The following are some of the most effective approaches:
This is one of the most effective forms for working with young children. Through symbolic play, drawings, storytelling, or puppets, children express emotions they cannot yet verbalize. The therapist acts as a facilitator, helping to put into words what the child represents in play.
Main goals:
Provide a safe space for emotional expression.
Help process feelings of loss, anger, or fear.
Promote understanding of the situation in age-appropriate terms.
This approach helps older children identify negative thoughts related to the divorce (e.g., "Dad left because I wasn’t good enough") and replace them with more realistic and healthy ones. Emotional regulation and conflict resolution skills are also addressed.
Techniques used:
Thought tracking.
Cognitive restructuring exercises.
Social skills and emotional communication training.
Often, involving both parents (separately or together) is essential to address dysfunctional family dynamics. Family therapy allows:
Improved communication between parents and children.
Coordinated parenting in separate households (co-parenting).
Ensuring that divorce-related decisions prioritize the child's well-being.
For younger children or those with insecure attachment histories, this approach strengthens the sense of emotional safety. It focuses on rebuilding bonds with at least one parent, promoting sensitive, empathetic, and predictable adult presence.
Throughout therapy, the goal is to achieve outcomes that promote emotional health and stability for the child:
Children need to understand that their feelings are normal. The therapist helps make sense of emotions like anger, sadness, or confusion, showing that these are natural responses to major changes.
Many children internalize the separation as a reflection of their own value. The therapist works to reinforce their sense of security, identity, and individual worth, independent of adult conflicts.
Children are taught to recognize, name, and express emotions in healthy ways, preventing problematic behaviors and enhancing connection with caregivers.
Many children believe they caused the separation or that they can do something to make their parents reunite. The therapist helps debunk these beliefs with realistic and compassionate understanding.
Therapy teaches practical skills such as:
Managing routine changes.
Handling sadness during key moments (birthdays, holidays, transitions between homes).
Strategies for adjusting to new parental figures or siblings.
Therapeutic work does not end with the child. Parental or caregiver involvement is crucial. They must:
Avoid triangulation: Don’t use the child as a messenger or spy.
Respect the other parent’s role: Even with personal conflict, children need a positive and secure image of both parents.
Maintain consistency and routine: Predictability is key for the child to feel safe.
Participate actively in therapy: Through parent counseling or family sessions, adults can gain tools to provide emotional support to their children.
Here are three common scenarios in therapy for children of divorced parents:
After the parents’ separation, the child begins wetting the bed again, fears sleeping alone, and clings excessively to the mother. Play therapy is used along with co-parent sessions to enhance emotional safety and reduce environmental changes.
He denies being affected by the divorce but shows irritability, poor school performance, and social withdrawal. CBT helps facilitate emotional expression, and reconnection sessions with the father—whom he had stopped seeing—are incorporated.
Blames the mother for the divorce and refuses to see her. Therapy focuses on validating the adolescent's grief, rebuilding the family narrative, and gradually restoring the mother-child bond.
Divorce or separation does not have to mark a child’s emotional development negatively. With proper therapeutic support, children can learn to process their emotions, adapt to changes, and build resilience.
Therapy offers them a safe space to express feelings without judgment or pressure, allowing them to rebuild an internal narrative that supports emotional growth, even in the face of loss.
Because when adults separate, children don’t have to break. Supporting them with respect, empathy, and professional guidance can be the difference between a deep wound and a chance for emotional maturity.
Anxiety in children is more common than many people realize, affecting their ability to engage in daily activities, form relationships, and express emotions. Unlike adults, children often struggle to articulate their feelings verbally, making it challenging for caregivers and professionals to understand their internal struggles. Play therapy provides a developmentally appropriate and effective way for children to express emotions, process experiences, and develop coping strategies.
This article explores how play therapy helps children with anxiety, the techniques used, and the benefits it provides in fostering emotional expression and healing.
Anxiety in children can manifest in various ways, including excessive worry, sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating, clinginess, and even physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches. While some anxiety is normal, persistent or overwhelming anxiety can interfere with a child’s well-being.
Common causes of anxiety in children include:
• Separation from caregivers (separation anxiety)
• Social pressures (social anxiety)
• Academic stress
• Traumatic experiences
• Changes in routine, such as moving or parental divorce
Because young children often lack the vocabulary and emotional awareness to express their anxieties, they may act out, withdraw, or develop nervous habits instead. This is where play therapy becomes an essential tool in helping children process their emotions in a way that feels natural to them.
Play therapy is a structured, evidence-based approach that allows children to use play as a means of communication and emotional processing. Unlike free play, therapeutic play is guided by a trained therapist who helps children explore their thoughts and emotions through toys, games, storytelling, and creative activities.
Play therapy operates on the principle that play is the child’s natural language, just as talking is for adults. By engaging in play, children can express feelings they may not be able to verbalize, process traumatic experiences, and develop coping strategies for managing anxiety.
1. Directive Play Therapy – The therapist guides the child toward specific activities and themes to address particular emotional or behavioral concerns.
2. Non-Directive Play Therapy – The child leads the session, choosing activities freely while the therapist provides a safe and accepting environment for expression.
Both approaches help children feel heard and understood while fostering emotional resilience.
1. Provides a Safe Space for Expression
Children with anxiety often feel overwhelmed by their emotions but may not know how to communicate them. Play therapy creates a non-threatening environment where they can express themselves freely.
For example, a child who struggles with separation anxiety may use dolls or stuffed animals to act out a scenario of being away from a parent, revealing their underlying fears in the process. The therapist can then help the child work through those fears in a supportive setting.
2. Reduces Stress and Builds Emotional Regulation
Play itself is therapeutic. Engaging in creative activities such as sand play, painting, or storytelling helps children release built-up tension and anxiety.
Additionally, therapists use play to teach emotional regulation techniques, such as:
• Breathing exercises (blowing bubbles to practice slow, deep breaths)
• Sensory play (using calming textures like kinetic sand or water play)
• Role-playing (practicing ways to handle anxiety-provoking situations)
Through repeated play sessions, children develop healthy coping mechanisms they can use outside of therapy.
3. Helps Identify Triggers
Children often express their fears through symbolic play. For example, a child who has been bullied may act out aggressive or fearful scenarios with toy figures. By observing patterns in a child’s play, therapists can identify underlying stressors and tailor interventions accordingly.
Once triggers are recognized, therapists can work with children (and their caregivers) to create personalized coping strategies that reduce anxiety in real-life situations.
4. Encourages Problem-Solving and Confidence
Children with anxiety often feel powerless in the face of their fears. Through play therapy, they can practice problem-solving and decision-making in a controlled environment.
For example, in a board game or pretend play scenario, a therapist might guide a child through challenges that mirror their real-world struggles, encouraging them to find solutions and build confidence.
This type of experiential learning helps children gain a sense of control over their emotions and develop resilience.
5. Strengthens the Child-Therapist Relationship
A strong therapeutic relationship is essential for emotional healing. Play therapy fosters trust between the child and therapist, making it easier for the child to open up over time.
A child who struggles with social anxiety, for instance, may initially be hesitant to engage but gradually becomes more comfortable as they experience positive, judgment-free interactions during sessions.
This trust extends beyond therapy, helping children feel more secure in their relationships with parents, teachers, and peers.
1. Sand Tray Therapy
Children use figurines, miniature objects, and sand to create scenes that represent their thoughts and emotions. This allows therapists to observe themes and guide children through processing their experiences.
2. Art Therapy
Drawing, painting, or sculpting provides an outlet for emotional expression. A child might draw their worries as monsters, allowing the therapist to discuss and “shrink” the monsters through creative storytelling.
3. Doll and Puppet Play
Using dolls or puppets allows children to project their emotions onto characters, making it easier for them to discuss their fears indirectly.
4. Storytelling and Bibliotherapy
Reading or creating stories about characters facing challenges similar to the child’s can normalize their feelings and teach coping skills in a relatable way.
5. Role-Playing
Practicing anxiety-provoking situations (like meeting new people or speaking in class) through pretend play helps children feel more prepared and less fearful in real life.
The Role of Parents in Play Therapy
While play therapy occurs in a clinical setting, parents play a crucial role in reinforcing its benefits. Therapists often involve parents by:
• Providing updates on progress
• Suggesting therapeutic play activities at home
• Teaching parents anxiety-reducing techniques to use with their child
By creating a supportive environment outside of therapy, parents help children integrate their new coping skills into daily life.
Play therapy is a powerful tool for helping children with anxiety express their emotions, develop coping strategies, and build emotional resilience. By providing a safe space for expression, reducing stress, and strengthening problem-solving skills, play therapy allows children to navigate their fears in a way that feels natural and empowering.
If your child struggles with anxiety, consider seeking a certified play therapist who can tailor sessions to their unique needs. With the right support, children can learn to manage their anxiety and lead healthier, happier lives.
Would you like help finding play therapy resources or practitioners in your area? Let me know!
The teenage years are a crucial period for social development. Friendships become more important than ever, and teens begin forming deeper connections outside of their family. While these relationships play a significant role in their emotional growth, parents often struggle with how involved they should be. Should you step in when your teen is making poor friendship choices? How do you support them without invading their privacy?
Striking the right balance between offering guidance and giving them independence is key. This blog will explore the importance of teen friendships, common challenges, and strategies to support your teen’s social life without overstepping.
Friendships during adolescence help shape a teen’s identity and self-esteem. Unlike childhood friendships, which are based primarily on proximity and shared activities, teenage friendships are often built on deeper emotional connections. These relationships provide:
• Emotional support – Friends become a crucial source of comfort, especially as teens navigate stress, peer pressure, and self-doubt.
• Social skills development – Interacting with peers teaches conflict resolution, communication, and empathy.
• A sense of belonging – Feeling accepted by a peer group helps teens develop confidence and a sense of identity.
• Exposure to different perspectives – Friendships introduce teens to new ideas, cultures, and ways of thinking, broadening their worldview.
While friendships can be a positive influence, they can also bring challenges. As a parent, knowing when to step in and when to let your teen handle social situations on their own is critical.
1. Peer Pressure and Risky Behavior
Teenagers may feel pressure to conform to their friend group, sometimes leading to unhealthy behaviors such as drinking, smoking, or engaging in risky activities. While some level of peer influence is normal, negative peer pressure can have serious consequences.
2. Exclusion and Bullying
Friendship dynamics can change rapidly, and teens may experience rejection, social exclusion, or bullying. These experiences can be painful and affect their self-esteem.
3. Toxic Friendships
Not all friendships are healthy. Some teens may find themselves in relationships where they are manipulated, controlled, or treated poorly. Recognizing and distancing themselves from toxic friends can be difficult.
4. Online and Social Media Friendships
Today’s teens interact online as much as they do in person. Social media can be a great way to stay connected, but it also brings challenges like cyberbullying, unrealistic comparisons, and privacy concerns.
5. Friendship Breakups
Just like romantic breakups, the end of a close friendship can be deeply emotional for a teen. They may struggle with feelings of betrayal, loneliness, and self-doubt.
Recognizing these challenges allows parents to offer guidance and support when needed.
1. Foster Open Communication
Encourage your teen to talk about their friendships, but avoid interrogating them. Instead of asking, “Who did you sit with at lunch?” try open-ended questions like:
• “How was your day?”
• “What’s something fun that happened with your friends today?”
• “How do you feel about your friend group lately?”
The goal is to create a space where your teen feels comfortable sharing without feeling pressured or judged.
2. Be a Safe Space, Not a Fixer
If your teen opens up about a friendship issue, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or intervene. Instead, validate their feelings:
• “That sounds really frustrating. How are you feeling about it?”
• “I can see why that would upset you.”
Let them process their emotions before jumping in with advice.
3. Model Healthy Friendships
Teens learn a lot about relationships from watching their parents. Demonstrate qualities like respect, communication, and boundary-setting in your own friendships. If you have a conflict with a friend, talk about how you handled it in a healthy way.
4. Encourage Positive Friendships
While you can’t choose your teen’s friends, you can encourage relationships with people who bring out the best in them. If your teen has a positive friendship, support it by:
• Inviting their friend over
• Offering to drive them to social activities
• Showing interest in their friendships without being intrusive
Encouraging involvement in activities like sports, clubs, or volunteer work can also help them meet like-minded peers.
5. Address Toxic Friendships Gently
If you’re concerned about a friend’s negative influence, avoid direct criticism like, “I don’t like that friend.” This will likely make your teen defensive. Instead, ask guiding questions:
• “Do you feel good about yourself when you’re around them?”
• “Do they support and respect you?”
If they begin to see the problem themselves, they’re more likely to take action.
6. Teach Social and Emotional Skills
Some teens struggle with making and maintaining friendships due to shyness, social anxiety, or lack of confidence. Help them build social skills by:
• Practicing conversation starters
• Role-playing social situations
• Encouraging them to step out of their comfort zone in small ways
If they need additional support, consider therapy or social skills groups.
7. Guide Them on Digital Friendships
Help your teen navigate online interactions by discussing:
• The importance of privacy and not oversharing personal information
• Recognizing signs of cyberbullying and how to handle it
• Taking breaks from social media when it affects their mental health
Encourage them to balance online and in-person friendships to maintain healthy social skills.
8. Respect Their Privacy
It’s tempting to check their texts or social media, but invading their privacy can damage trust. Instead, focus on open communication. If you have serious concerns about safety, have a conversation about boundaries rather than secretly monitoring them.
9. Help Them Cope with Friendship Loss
If your teen is dealing with a friendship breakup, acknowledge their pain. Instead of saying, “You’ll make new friends,” validate their emotions:
• “I know this is really hard for you.”
• “It’s okay to be sad. Losing a friend hurts.”
Encourage them to engage in activities they enjoy and remind them that they will build new connections over time.
10. Know When to Step In
While independence is important, there are times when parental intervention is necessary. Step in if:
• Your teen is being bullied or harassed.
• A friend is encouraging dangerous or illegal behavior.
• They seem withdrawn, anxious, or depressed due to social issues.
If you suspect serious issues like bullying or peer pressure involving harmful activities, work with your teen to find a solution, whether it’s speaking to a school counselor, setting boundaries, or seeking professional support.
Navigating your teen’s friendships and social life can feel like walking a tightrope—too much involvement can push them away, while too little may leave them struggling without guidance. The key is to be a supportive presence, offering advice when needed but allowing them to learn and grow through their experiences.
By fostering open communication, modeling healthy relationships, and equipping them with emotional and social skills, you empower your teen to build meaningful, positive friendships that will support them well beyond their teenage years.
Would you like more strategies on supporting your teen’s emotional development? Let me know—I’d be happy to help!
Emotional intelligence is an essential skill that enables children to understand, manage, and express their emotions in a healthy way. Learning to handle their feelings and develop empathy helps them build strong relationships, improve their self-esteem, and face life's challenges with resilience. In this blog, we will explore effective strategies for teaching emotional intelligence to children and fostering their emotional well-being.
Emotional intelligence encompasses five key areas:
Emotional awareness – Identifying and understanding one's own emotions.
Emotional regulation – Managing and controlling emotions effectively.
Motivation – Using emotions to achieve goals and overcome obstacles.
Empathy – Understanding and sharing the feelings of others.
Social skills – Relating positively to others.
Helping children develop these skills enables them to navigate the world with confidence and compassion.
Encourage children to talk about their emotions and express how they feel. Questions like "How do you feel today?" can open the door to important conversations.
Children learn by observing adults. Demonstrate how to manage emotions calmly and express feelings appropriately.
Books with stories about emotions can help children identify and understand different feelings. Exploring how characters handle their emotions can be an excellent teaching tool.
Encourage children to consider the feelings of others. Asking "How do you think your friend feels?" helps develop empathy.
Help children find healthy ways to manage difficult emotions, such as deep breathing, art, movement, or talking to a trusted adult.
Guide children to find solutions to conflicts instead of reacting impulsively. Asking "What can you do differently next time?" promotes critical thinking.
It is important for children to know that all emotions are valid. Phrases like "It's okay to feel sad" help them accept their feelings without shame.
An environment where children feel heard and understood strengthens their emotional security and ability to develop emotional intelligence.
Teaching emotional intelligence to children provides them with valuable tools for life. By helping them recognize and manage their emotions, fostering empathy, and strengthening their social skills, we lay the foundation for them to become resilient and emotionally healthy adults. Implementing these strategies from an early age will help them build a future based on well-being and meaningful connections with others.
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